Feeling Unloved?

Play episode

If you haven’t been feeling the love of God lately, or you suspect you might be unlovable – you really need to hear this message.

Over the last few years I’ve spoken with a lot of women who have recently separated from their husband or from their long term partner.

While some of these women have been coping well, a significant proportion have had their self-esteem and self-worth significantly dented by their break up.

Eventually they get on with life and they go on to meet someone new – but when those new relationships end, as many of them do – these women find themselves feeling much worse than they did even when their marriage ended.

One of the reasons that happens is because the ending of the new relationship has reinforced the poor self image that was created when their original relationship broke down.

So now, they’re not just feeling like they had a failure, they’re feeling like this is a repeating pattern – that they are a failure.

That there is something wrong with them that has somehow resulted in both of these relationships ending.

And rather than just no longer being loved by one particular human being – they’re now feeling unlovable full stop.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that quite a few adults who were abandoned by a parent during childhood also struggle with this feeling of being unlovable.

While from the outside you might think that a parent leaving would result in the child not loving the parent any more, it actually has the opposite effect.

The child still loves the parent just as much as they ever did, but the child tends to blame themself – and concludes that THEY must be unlovable.

And someone who is feeling unlovable, whether they’re an adult or a child, tends to go back over everything they might’ve done wrong, and every little behavior slip-up that they can find in their memory bank reinforces this belief that they must be unlovable.

Let me tell you, every parent has had times when their kids have misbehaved.

Whether it’s something minor that can be easily corrected, or whether it’s something huge that has consequences for both them and for others – from time to time they can pull some stunts that make you wonder whether everything you’ve been teaching them has been a total waste of time.

But here’s the thing – although I might find some of my children’s behavior or some of their actions displeasing – not being pleased with their behavior doesn’t make any difference at all to my love for them. I’ll say it another way – we can love someone completely and yet not agree with, like or condone their behavior.

We get ourselves in trouble when we think of love as something that can be divided up and shared out.

The reason this doesn’t work is that it implies that love is measurable, which would in turn would mean that the person who is the subject of that love is interchangeable or replaceable.

So if love isn’t something that can be divided up, what is going on here?

Those of you who are parents probably already understand how this works.

When you have one child, you love them.

But as soon as the second child is born, you suddenly have two children to love.

Does that mean you love your first child a bit less now that the second one has been born?

Of course not! You love your first child just as much as you did before, and somehow your capacity to love has been doubled now that you have two children.

And though you love your first child as much as you ever have, you also love your second child – and the love you have for the second child isn’t diminished in any way because you love the first child completely.

And if you have twins – even though they may be identical – as a parent you love each one of them as an individual, completely and uniquely. Just as love is not something that can be divided up and shared out, evenly or otherwise, by humans – love works in a similar way when it comes to God.

God’s love is not only eternal, unfailing and immeasurable – God’s love for every single one of his children is complete and unique.

God doesn’t just sit there in heaven radiating love toward the earth for us to bask in, and he doesn’t love us collectively as a group.

He actively loves every single one of his children uniquely. Psalm 86 verse 15 says that God is filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.

What’s even better, is that Romans 8 verse 38 says that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

So even behaving in a way that isn’t pleasing to God isn’t going to separate you from his love – although it will certainly affect how pleased he is with you.

If that’s an issue for you, then all you need to do is repent and turn back to God, and he will forgive you.

If you haven’t been feeling loved by God lately, then I want to reassure you that God most certainly hasn’t stopped loving you – and I come against the lie of the enemy that has resulted in you feeling unlovable.

God’s love for you is unfailing – which means it never fails, and it never stops.

God IS love, and he is the same yesterday, today and for eternity.

He loves you in a way that is completely unique, because even if you’re an identical twin, from God’s perspective there is no-one else on earth quite like you.

He lovingly formed you, he gifted you and he made plans for you that would give you a hope and a purpose.

Until next time, blue skies!

P.S If you found this idea interesting or useful, save it for later by pinning it to your Christian Encouragement board on Pinterest.

P.P.S. If you have a friend who might benefit from this message, make sure you take the time right now to share this with them!

Join the discussion

More from this show